Selfishness

I was supposed to have lunch plans but they got cancelled so decided to stay in the office today. It is really cold outside and I do not feel like taking the effort. I had some cereal this morning (bran, even!) so I should be able to make it on a banana for lunch. Maybe I will leave earlier than 7 tonight.

Well I am pretty disappointed that L's contract job doesn't start now until Monday. Part of me is letting it roll right off my back and trusting God to provide for us, and part of me is really frustrated. When I am frustrated I tend to feel sorry for myself and blame L for all our problems. I know he's not perfect, but neither am I. I've learned to be more merciful because of him, but I do get frustrated that he is a procrastinator at times. I have been really aware of my shortcomings lately, particularly in dealing with my older daughter. From the outside it appears that I am selfless, but I know deep inside I really deal with my own selfishness. And I hate it. I recognize that I always think first about how something will affect me, and then make choices to do the right thing. Well, not always, but I try to make choices to do the right thing. But I fail.

I love chocolate. And my favorites are those Christmas Hershey's bells. They are so good, and they were on sale at Target so I got a bag and put them in my drawer at work. Not a good idea. It only took two days for them to disappear and I am the only one that ate any.... no wonder I am not having any success with losing weight. Sheesh. There is something comforting about chocolate, though. I noticed that the more stressful my life, the more I crave chocolate. I am not sure how to change that yet. Or maybe I am not willing to.