My bad

Well, I guess over a month has passed since I decided to start a blog. Hmm. I got cold feet to be honest. I love to write, love to read, and love to talk and listen to people tell about life. But the thought of somebody I actually know reading my words for some reason is scary to me. I am not sure what I am afraid of, however, as I make it a point to be an open book in my relationships. I guess it is the permanency of the written word out here in cyberspace that is scary.

Oh well, enough of all that.... my oldest daughter started a new job today. She has not worked since a year ago summer at the water park. She graduated in May from high school and had a very rough summer. We encouraged her to volunteer, get a job, do something. She is struggling with a zillion things right now. Actually she's had over a year of pretty serious depression issues. She was diagnosed with Type I diabetes when she just turned 4. I was 8 months pregnant with our 5th child. My husband and I both learned how to care for her, and everything went rather smoothly for many years. I was a stay at home mom, homeschooling, and her life was contained. She was active in soccer and swimming, then just swimming and had lots of friends and was quite popular. She had trouble learning to read, and school didn't come easily to her, but I just figured she was different. She accepted her diabetes and even bragged to friends how brave she was dealing with shots all the time. We gradually gave her more and more responsibility for her diabetes care as she entered her teen years. When she was 11 her dad lost his job. I had started working a few hours a week doing accounting at our church, but after he was without a job for several months, the opportunity arose for me to work another part time job. Dad was the fulltime caretaker at this point, and gave her more responsibility for her diabetes care. Her father and I were taking turns with homeschooling as well. After 2 years of this, she and her 2 younger siblings started going to a private Christian school. Neither L nor I wanted life to be this way, I liked working a little, but not fulltime, but he couldn't seem to get a fulltime job. We were on COBRA, spending his retirement, until that ran out, then the state sponsored healthcare kicked in for the children. At that point L and I were without insurance, but didn't have any options. If we made more money, we wouldn't have any health insurance for older daughter, but we couldn't pay our bills without earning more. At this point I got a random call from a friend of a friend that needed an accountant for a new business. Full time position with benefits. Well, L and I prayed about it and it seemed like the right thing to do, even though I really never ever wanted to work fulltime with my kids still at home, but you do what you have to do. At any rate, I worked fulltime AND kept the 12 hour/week church accounting job for 10 long months. At that point L did most of the parenting and I was like the weekend "dad". When this started the oldest son was finishing up his first year of college, 2nd son was fnishing up his junior year of high school, older daughter was ending 9th grade, younger daughter 7th grade, and youngest son 4th grade. During this time, L was constantly looking for a job, doing some short term part time gigs, and we were playing tag team on cooking and cleaning, with him doing the lion's share.

OK, I started all this to talk about my older daughter and it's turned into my last 7 years' history. How did that happen? Oh, yeah, well, somehow in all that confusion of working and what not, the diabetes care wasn't as good as it should be. I thought L was dealing with it more, and L thought older daughter was taking care of it, and all along she was rather in denial and pretending that she was only partly diabetic...like only had to think about it once in awhile. The diabetes appointments were very discouraging, they sent mixed messages...she needs to take care of herself, yet somehow mom and dad are supposed to make sure she does. Well, when you have a headstrong stubborn 15, 16, and then 17 year old daughter, that is easier said than done. So anyway, last fall it all came to a head and she started dealing with serious depression and after countless appointments and what not, we got her to see a counselor, and then she was put on some anti-depressants. It took several months of various things, and she barely was able to graduate due to losing so many days of school. It was a vicious cycle as she would be depressed and not take care of her diabetes, and then because that made her sick it would make her more depressed, and her body was just all out of whack. The whole thing really was awfully hard for the whole family. Her behaviour was not good, she made some really bad choices, and sneakiness, lying, etc. was not fun. So this past summer we took her to a psychiatrist and he diagnosed her with ADHD. Well, I always knew she was easily distracted, but she's never been hyper. Shows how much I know about that stuff. So now she's on all her diabetes insulins, ADD medicine, anti-depressants, and has to have this 7 day pill box like a grandma. It's weird how it works. I mean she remembers things that she wants to, which kind of makes me mad sometimes. That is why I never really wanted to label her. Like she had a babysitting job last year and NEVER was late or anything. Always remembered it. She never was late or forgot to go to her water park lifeguard job the summer before last. Things like doctor appointments...never forgets. But checking her blood sugar that she's been doing several times a day for the past 14 years? Oops, I forgot. Doesn't that sounds suspicious to you? It does to me. The other thing that is interesting about her....she is such a charmer. She can be the most fun and interesting person one minute and then totally space people off the next. She's terrible with remembering to return things to people or get them a birthday gift or card or whatnot. She loves being around people, though. Oh, and she is so responsible about other things, too. She is the one I'd always ask to find something for me. I'd call home and ask a kid to find a can of chili out in the garage shelves. Well, I'd say it is probably on the 4th shelf. Well, if I'd ask any of the other 4 children that and it is was on the 5th shelf let's say, or if it was behind something on the 4th shelf...they could never find it. But when she would say it wasn't there, it definitely wasn't.

So anyway they recommended this book "Driven to Distraction" or something like that and after reading it I realized that it described her in so many ways. I have never believed in using excuses for bad behavior, but in her case I felt like God wanted me to be totally merciful. So all summer long we (we as in husband L and I) tag teamed the diabetes management and pill taking endeavor. I'd check her blood sugar in the mornings before work, and he'd check it at night before bedtime. At supper we'd make sure she took her many pills. We let her be a total bum all summer long and she finally signed up for the local college classes in the fall. So she's been going to class all fall and NOW SHE FINALLY HAS A JOB!!!